i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
