Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
