Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
