we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
