I wish life had little blips of pornography
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
