pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
