you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
