omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize