the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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