so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
