At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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