I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
