I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
