I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
