When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
All I want is dick and wine.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
