We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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