My sheets look like a crime scene.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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