She's JV to your varsity
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
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