no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
