I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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