Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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