He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
