You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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