So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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