2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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