you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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