I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
