What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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