I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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