Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
