Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
