....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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