I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
