Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
