He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
