Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize