Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
