Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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