Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
