if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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