Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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