so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
