hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
