dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
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The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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