roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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