I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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