hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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