you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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