Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
