Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
