Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
