Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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