Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
