I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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