I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
please come you make the beer taste better
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
